Hope and Mass Damon

When I first met with the liver specialist, he did not sugarcoat his diagnosis. After he told me that my tumor was inoperable, incurable, and that I am not eligible for a transplant, I said, “That’s three pieces of really bad news you just gave me in a row. Now is the time to say something good.” He looked me dead in the eyes and said very seriously, “I will not be giving you good news today.” While I appreciated his direct approach, my parents were less impressed. They wanted to hear, “miracles happen,” or “there is always hope.” They’ve been trash-talking him all over Arkansas ever since.

Even the nurse was kind of like, “Sorry, you’re screwed.” She told Suzanne that we should just go get drinks or something. “From now on, you can do whatever you want!” We did not go get drinks, although I have sort of been doing whatever I want.

Nurse Jane called me today all chipper and said that my doctor had presented my case at liver conference, which is basically a bunch of smart doctors sitting around a table talking about their toughest cases. Nurse Jane said that my future oncologist, with whom I have an appointment next week, said at conference that he knows of two clinical trials that might offer me some hope. “I wanted to call you personally,” Nurse Jane said. “I felt like this news was too good to be sent in an email.”

And this is why I appreciate the direct approach from the beginning. Because of Nurse Jane’s you’re-probably-going-to-die-soon stance following my diagnosis, her offering of hope carries a welcome ring of authenticity to it. 

Yesterday I had a pain-filled day, but I woke up this morning feeling great. I keep waking up really early with extreme hunger. My dad says its because I'm eating for two now. Once when I was a kid, I had a beautiful Persian kitten, but I couldn't think of a name for her, so I just called her kitty. She turned out to be a really awful cat. I always thought it was because I never gave her a name. 

So, give me your best tumor names in the comments. The best (and only) one I have heard so far is Mass Damon. Go!